Every now and then, Amy's not paying attention and I'm able to jimmy the lock she keeps on the basement door, get a hold of some tools, and start working on a "simple" home improvement project.
Sometimes everything works out OK, like the other day's wall sconce project. But more often than not I end up irritated or injured (or both), and the "simple" task I set out to do ends up taking eight hours and costing $300 more than I had planned. Maybe one day I'll post about the time I tried to drill a hole in the side of our house for a "quick" Ethernet wiring project and ended up somehow permanently embedding a drill bit, a socket wrench, and part of screwdriver handle in the wall (OK, I guess that was the story).
Today's simple project was to replace the water filter system under our kitchen sink. It is difficult to get filters for our existing system, and Fred Meyer had new complete systems on sale, so in a moment of optimistic spontaneity, I purchased one. I should add that I consulted with my resident home improvement project assistant before doing so. Ray assured me that we could handle this project.
And why should we have thought any differently? It says right there on the box: "Hassle Free Installation."
This afternoon, helper Ray and I cleared out the area under the kitchen sink and went to work. There were only four pieces in the box, which was heartening. Any idiot can figure out what to do with four things, I thought.
In a clear demonstration of genetic personality inheritance, Ray threw the instructions aside and wanted to know where he could start to drill.
"Hold on there, little whipper," I cautioned him in my best parental voice. "Maybe we should read the instructions first." I could hardly believe my own ears.
The instructions were pretty clear and non-threatening (measure this, mark that, etc.) until I got to the part that read:
Using a pipe cutter or hacksaw, remove a 3-inch (76 mm) section of pipe (A) from the 3/8 inch (10 mm) cold water line. Deburr ends of remaining pipe with a file.
Maybe it's just me, but as soon as "pipe cutters" and removing sections of my home's plumbing system come into play, the project ceases to be "hassle free." For me, needing to use any tool whatsoever is a hassle, but I think that there's a huge span on the hassle spectrum between a screwdriver and a pipe cutter. (And the only file I have is a nail file, but I know that's probably my issue.)
Showing my newfound ability to "learn from my prior mistakes," I dutifully packed up the four pieces, put them back in the box, and have the whole "system" ready to go back to the Fred for a refund.
And I hope it's a "hassle free" refund.
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